Abundance
MONEY. It’s a topic that is often taboo and avoided even in some of our most intimate relationships — including the relationship we have with ourselves. Why is money wrapped up with so much emotion, stress, and sometimes, shame? Regardless of economic status, money can haunt our sense of self-worth, cause tension between us and our loved ones, and create behaviors that lead us far from the freedom we think it should offer. Ask yourself, what is your relationship to money?
Early in my childhood, I recognized that I was dependent on my parents for the things I wanted to buy and do. My parents were not loose with their wallets, my mother being from an immigrant family and my father from extremely frugal parents. My household was abundant with love and laughter, but there was an undercurrent of fear of not having enough.
To decrease this sense of scarcity, I began to work. From 5th grade on, I became scrappy and gritty, building up my own bank account. Running paper routes, babysitting, selling flower seeds door-to-door, stocking shelves in a market, waiting tables, working counter jobs at bakeries and coffee shops… My relationship to money became, I’m going to need you and I’ll do what it takes to have you.
Still, scarcity would be a theme that I continued to grapple with well into my thirties. There have been times throughout my career and life where I didn’t know if I would have enough money to get by. Investing in school, professional training, and taking on lower paying jobs to gain important skills left me often feeling like I was coming up short.
My shift from scarcity to abundance came at a pretty low point, and it happened very rapidly. When my husband and I moved into our first house, I was taking many risks at once: moving from the city to a small town, quitting a prestigious job to start my own business, and having a child. Immediately after moving into our new home, my first daughter was born. Juggling a new business, a new home, and a new child in the dead of a very cold winter… I opened the mail one day to find a $1,000 heating bill. My heart sank as I realized that our house was not insulated properly. We needed to heat this freezing house for our baby, and I feared that we were not going to have enough.
This was also the year that the book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne had just been released. If you haven’t read it, the premise of the book is that our thoughts create our reality. Hence, if we can think regularly about what we want, we will begin to manifest those things, effortlessly. The key is to think about what we do want and to not think about what we don’t want. When we think about what we don't want, we are just as likely to manifest those things as when we think about what we do want. This concept was radical to me, and it instantly shifted the way I saw the world and my situation at that time. I was compelled by the idea that my thoughts were this powerful.
On the day I finished the book, I put it down and walked confidently and boldly into our bathroom — which I despised. This bathroom represented, in some strange way, all that I didn’t have and all that I never thought I could have. I was tolerating it. But on that day, I walked through the threshold of that bathroom and ripped the towel hooks right out of the wall! When my husband came home from work that evening, there were holes in the wall where the hooks had been. I told him, “We’re getting a new bathroom.” I didn’t know exactly how we were going to do it or how we would pay for it, but I knew deep within my heart that we would make it happen. The next day, I landed a new client that would pay me exactly the amount we needed for the renovation. Within six weeks, we had a new bathroom.
This experience pivoted me away from thinking about having to make money to stay above water — and towards aligning with a sense of gratitude, joy, confidence, and acceptance. It allowed feelings of having and being enough to flow.
All of this said, a truly abundant life — one filled with taking risks, dreaming, having hope, and trusting that everything will work out in the end — must be paired with reality and responsibility. When we couldn’t afford our $1,000 gas bill, my husband and I sat down and decided what to take out of our daily lives in order to get the bill paid. When I pulled the hooks out of the bathroom wall, I still had to get the client and do the work to get the job done. In order to successfully live a life of abundance, we must be accountable and take action in conjunction with having the right thought patterns.
Our society today is mesmerized by the idea of more. More money, more clothes, more gadgets, more stuff. But more does not create an abundant mentality. You can be a millionaire living on the beach but still feel a sense of scarcity; or you can have a small home with a beautiful garden and a few thousand dollars to your name and feel like your cup is overflowing with abundance. It’s your relationship to what you have that matters. Do you feel like you have enough?
If your gut answer is no, I invite you to explore the following areas of your relationship with money:
Define what you’re afraid of. What is your biggest fear about money? What is the worst-case scenario for you if you don’t get a hold of your financial life, and why do you feel like you’re at that place now?
Unpack your shame around money. What messages did you receive about money growing up that are still with you today? Explore the depths of your sense of scarcity and fear around money, and how that has affected your life until today. Write these insights down.
Check in with your dream. Consider how much money you would need to feel like you have enough. What don’t you have but wish you did? What are your financial goals?
Identify the barriers that stand in your way. What is the scariest thing standing in between your financial situation right now and achieving what you want? Is it credit card debt or student loans? Having an honest conversation with your partner about the bills you didn’t pay and didn’t tell them about? When you get honest about the lies you’ve been telling yourself and confront the truth, you can face what you have been avoiding head on.
Get in touch with your money habits. Take inventory of exactly what you spend each week. Now look through that list and evaluate whether those items support a life of true abundance. Are there any opportunities to make healthier financial choices? If so, put new manageable habits in place for everyday financial choices that align with where you want to invest your energy.
Visualize abundance. Picture yourself being debt-free and having a relationship with money that’s open, honest, and trusting. Imagine and feel the sensations around how your life will be different with this freedom. What doors open for you? Rather than thinking about what you don’t have, consider what you do have and will have. Consider writing these things down, adding to these lists, and re-reading them regularly.
Take action. What is one action you can take today to forge a pathway towards abundance? Write it down and share it with someone to hold yourself accountable.
Kristine Steinberg is the CEO of Kismet. She believes that your life should be deeply fulfilling — not tolerated. Partner with Kismet to dismantle fear, define your path, and lead with courage. Start your transformation today.